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Monday's Mishap - This has got to hurt!

P.S. I love the commentary!

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You've Got to be Kidding Me... Please dont be the kind of leader that's on this video!

It pays to always research before you speak.

One of the Funniest Videos Ever About Youth Workers

Help me become Martha Stewart and/or Gordon Ramsay!

I need your help... I need to become the next Gordon Ramsay... or at least as close as I can get. I've got our office Christmas party this Thursday, and as a joke, my co-workers are challenging me to make or bake something.

I've never made or baked anything for these types of things before.

So, I need your help...

What should I make/bake for this shindig?

Seriously,

Tell me. What would you make... or... what should I bake?

Help???!!!

You think you're having a bad day, check this dude out!

 

No matter how beat up you get, don't give up. This dude above is Diego Sanchez. He got whooped. Knocked down. But he got back up and kept going. He didn't quit. He got worked. But he kept going. I don't know what's going on in your life. You may feel like giving up. You may feel knocked down. GET BACK UP! Don't give up! Keep fighting.

You may look bad... real bad. But keep battling till the ref stops the fight!

We've Got A Date with an Elf Tonight!

 After reading Carlos Whittaker's post about this, I had to get one myself. I know it costs $30 bucks. But really, $30 bucks is cheap to make my kids' Christmas memorable. I want to give them experiences where they can look back and say, "Remember the stupid elf you said did recon of us and told Santa if we were naughty or nice..." I've got stories. And I want my kids to have them as well. So tonight, we start The Elf on the Shelf! I can't wait.

What are you doing to give your kids Christmas experiences?

The Christmas Gift That Could Kill Me

I'm in the middle of trying to figure out what to get Jami for Christmas. And she's no help! Me? I'm full of ideas. Jami? Not so much. Knowing that she loves perfume, I ran across this Pon Farr Star Trek perfume. Even though she's not a Trekkie, do you think I should get it for her? I'm guessing not. My guess would be that this gift could be worse than buying a new vacuum cleaner, thereby not help me in my efforts to live long and prosper.

So what are some good Christmas gifts that would not get me killed?
 

Spider Man or Spider Wuss

Spider Man from Todd Ruth on Vimeo.

Falling Down and Squeezing It's Guts Out! Pumpkin Fun!

Here's the latest video of our yearly family pumpkin carving event. It's full of near blood and guts.

Give me a "D" Give me a "O" Give me a "R" Give me a "K" What's that Spell? "TODD"

Well, at least in 6th grade (and probably still today). Found this photo on Facebook. Check me out. Look at how high my pants were pulled up. Shirt tucked in. And the length of my legs look unhuman. 

What Do Squirrels, Crying, Pancakes, Ants & Whales Have in Common?

They're all on my Father's Day card that Carter made for me last night in church. As you can see, I'm as strong as a SQUIRREL (teacher added "stronger" for my ego - thanks teach). I like to CRY. Carter likes when I make him and Morgan a PANCAKE with ANTS on it. And, if I was an animal, I'd be a WHALE.

Thanks Carter!

Love you too. :-)

25 Little Things You Do or Have That Guys Not-So Secretly Hate

MSN.com has a feature written about 25 Little Things You Do That Guys Secretly Love. I read it. It's corny. But it got me thinking, what could be 25 things that girls could do or have that guys would hate?

Let me say this first, Jami has not done any of these things. I'm just saying, should she do any of these, I would hate them... but let me say it one more time: JAMI HAS NOT DONE THESE THINGS!

25. Fart on any part of my body.

24. Pick your nose.

23. Pick your nose and eat your booger. (New a girl growing up who did this... did not date her!)

22. Bite your toenails off.

21. Chew on your toenails after they are off like you've got chewing tobacco in your mouth.

20. Speaking of chewing tobacco... 

19. Pop someone else's zits.

18. Lick puss off of a wound. (Again, new a girl who did this... not cool.)

17. FREAK OUT about driving down a certain road because it has curves on it. (Happened to me on a date. Did not go out with her again.)

16. Nag. Nag. Nag.

15. Two words: Hairy Legs.

14. Three words: Hairy arm pits.

12. Full beards. (Saw one when I worked at Finish Line.)

11. Constantly gossiping about others.

10. High Maintenance.

09. Bitchy. (That's right. I said it. No one likes a bitchy woman.)

08. Over agressive. (Seriously. Calm down. You don't have to prove anything.)

07. Ditsy. (Cute at first, but in the long run... annnnooooyyyyinnnnggggg.)

06. Long hair down past butt.

05. Girls who think they fit in a shoe size that is three sizes too small.

04. Yellow teeth.

03. Wearing your hair like it was styled in the '80s.

02. Being rude to a waiter or waitress.

01. Getting out of traffic tickets just because you're cute.

Just my two cents. 

Happy Monday.

A Bible Doubled As A Meth Cookbook

A Bible doubled as a meth cookbook. I know the Bible is also known as an instruction manual. But, come on, this is going just a tad bit far! The article says, among other things, "Elkhart police officers serving a search warrant at the apartment found the Bible, with a recipe for meth written on the last page of Revelation, on the bottom half of the page."

I guess these guys didn't take Revelation 22v18 very seriously... "I warn everyone who hears the the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book."

I guess that means meth recipes as well!

A Seacrest Surprise

So... this is what happens when u Twitter about liking Ryan Seacrest. Notice who the first @ reply is from. Ok, not directly from Ryan, but from his "team". Close enough. :-)

Morgan's Pacifier Withdrawl Symptoms

What you will hear in the following video, is Morgan's reaction when Jami told Morgan her pacifiers are all gone. Ya, getting rid of the pacifiers = Morgan's withdrawl.

Morgan's Pacifier Withdrawl from Todd Ruth on Vimeo.

Could I Get Away with This?

What do you think, could I get away with this look like Twilight star Cam Gigandet is wearing in this shot? Haha. I think not.

Trains, subways, Cubbies & Carter

So this past Friday, me, my brother-in-law Matt and Carter took the day and went to hang out in Chicago.

Carter's first "Choo Choo" ride via the South Shore train system. He was none-stop talking the whole way up. I love watching him when he's that excited.

After arriving in Chicago, we took the subway to Chinatown. I've never been there and have always wanted to go. So we did. We walked one of the main streets where a funeral happened to be ending. I'm fairly certain it had to be a mafia funeral based on the "body guard" looking dudes standing outside the funeral home's doors. Plus, one of the "drivers" was not in a good mood and happened to be talking about how he was going to "hurt" someone. So, after kissing a few of their rings we let the processional pass by and headed back to the subway after spending 10 minutes on the streets in Chinatown. It just felt like the smart thing to do.

Next stop, Wrigleyville.

On the scoreboard, it says Baby Ruth. That's because there was a contest to have a chance to sing the Seventh Inning Stretch at a Cubs game. I was one of roughly 1100 people to try out. I thought I had a secret weapon, Mr. Baby Ruth himself, three year old Carter Ruth. However, after prepping him to sing with me, he was more fascinated with the microphone than singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame, leaving me to sing it by myself (those poor judges).

The Cubs actually used the Corporate Suites as mini studios to record each audition. They asked you why you should be chosen, then you went straight into singing. It was well organized. Minutes later, when we were sitting in Harry Caray's talking about the day, we begin to hear this soft rendition of Take Me Out to the Ballgame coming from a smiling Carter Ruth.

Carter's best impression of a mean looking, hard throwing relief pitcher.

After hanging around Wrigleyville for a while, we headed back downtown. The dude above is Ronnie Woo Woo. If I would have thought about it, I would have gotten video of him. If you're unfamiliar with him, he's kind of a legend and celebrity around Chicago. He was great with Carter and a genuinely nice guy.

This pose, located outside Ghirardelli Chocolate, earned Carter lots of "awe look at how cute he is" stares. Actually, a young foreign couple asked to take his picture. I tried to sneak in the shot, but they said, "No, just of the cute little boy." After the shot, the dude showed the picture to his girl, to which she said, "That's the best picture of the day."

Our second-to-last stop - P.F. Changs. I always love the looks we get when we take our kids into joints like these - the, "are-you-really-serious-you're-taking-him-in-here-i-hope-he's-good" kind of looks. And he was. Chopsticks can keep a three year old busy for days. Plus, he loves Changs food too. That's his "Changs Wave".

And our last stop of the evening...

If you like caramel corn, this is THE best you'll ever have. I cannot ever leave without a jumbo bag. Plus, I scored some points with Jami.

Needless to say, the 2.5 hour train ride back home featured a sleeping Carter.

La la laaaaaa Cough Cough

Ok, the other day I was checking the Cubs.com site and came across this graphic headline: Enter to have a chance to lead the crowd for the 7th Inning Stretch at Wrigley Field. So I thought, why not. I can't sing a lick. But you really ain't got to be able to sing this song. You just start it up and let the 60,000 fans finish it out. Plus my last name is Ruth. What the heck. So, I filled out the application which included an area on why I should be allowed to audition. My opening line for why went something like this: "You guys would be idiots to not let a dude with the last name Ruth audition." So I hit send not expecting to hear anything. And I didn't... until this morning at 10:43 a.m. Check out the email below, you'll have to click the image to read it:

 

Are you freaking kidding me! This is awesome. This is so cool. Wait. I can't sing. And I have to sing in front of judges. Ah, who cares. I really hope Simon Cowell is one them. I get to go to Chicago, a town I love. I get to go to Wrigely Field. I can't wait.

One Butt. One Window. One Idiot.

So, in the mad rush to get out of the house and into our car to pick up Jami's sister at the airport, I forgot the keys and locked us out of our home. I must apologize for the photo below, although between my head shot and butt shot, it's probably my money shot.

The other side of this shot is of me trying to not fall into an open toilet... bad news, hand missed. Good news... clean water.

Gucci Church

So, I talk about our church a lot at work... with my co-workers... kids... kid's families... service providers. I'm out there with it - we are a part of a hip, cool church. (Ok, I'm probably not cool because I just used the word hip). So at lunch today we start talking about church and where people go. And someone in the group looks at me and says... "Oh yeah. You go to that Gucci church." Huh? Never heard it described like that. Makes me laugh. Makes me proud. So I jump on Gucci's site to take a look. Yeah. It's hip. It's cool. And I think I'm going to start a blog series entitled "Gucci Church" that compares Gucci and Granger. Afterall, if you take out the "u" and the "i" in Gucci, you get, GCC. Stay tuned.

"Todd is..."

Decided to type in "Todd is" in Google's search box. Below are the results...

1. Todd is God
2. Todd is odd
3. Todd is a progressive indian/jazz guitar virtuoso and member of Imdad Khan
4. Todd is one of the most innovative musicians of the 21st century
5. Todd is being a perfect jerk
6. Todd is a brilliant provocateur
7. Todd is also Chairman of the Board of the group Coney Island USA
8. Todd is back and OZ has got him
9. Todd is in a coma
10. Todd is like everyone else
11. Todd is now working on an animated cartoon series for television and even has his own column
12. Todd is a good designer and a smart dude
13. Our esteemed CEO, Todd, is out of the country and leaving us to our own devices.

Give your name a try.

Push It Real Good

So this recent trip to Chicago we ran across a person who was not well kept playing a guitar for money in Lincoln Park Zoo. My father-in-law went over and gave some money which obviously got questions like, "Why did you do that?" Jami asked the question of what if he's Jesus? And said that if Dave, my father-in-law felt led to give, he should give. All that to lead in to this... I was driving home this evening when I drove past a dude who was sitting in his car with his hood up. I drove past to the stop sign and thought, I need to stop to see if he needs help. If I'm honest, I would tell you that as I was backing up, I was thinking that it's 2007. He probably has a cell phone. He's probably called a relative or a tow truck. So I'll just ask this quick question and then be on my merry little way home. He didn't have a cell phone. He apparently had been sitting there quite some time in the heat. So after getting over being slightly annoyed, I busted a "U-ee" and matched up the fronts of our cars to give him a jump. Put the cables on. Started the cars. And  then he asks me if I'd mind following him a ways to the gas station. Sure. No problem. We get one block and his car dies again. So I bust a "U-ee" again. I get out and am getting into helping this guy out. I mean, this is what the "church" is all about. And I thought, what if this guy is Jesus? At that exact moment, the guy's car dies again after starting it and then launches a long string of F-bombs... I then thought, maybe this isn't Jesus... or is Jesus trying to trick me... that funny Jesus. He almost got me. So after the creative use of the F-bomb, the dude walks as slow as he can across the street to get a gas can. Returns with the gas can. And asks me to go get him gas. Sure. No prob. I'll be happy to. He gives me a $10 spot. I get the gas. Return. Put it in his car. He starts it. It dies again. We are now 40 minutes into this deal. My hands are black. My pants are dirty. He then says, "Let's see if our bumpers match up." Ok, I didn't know this was a fashion show. They do. He says, "Why don't you push me to the gas station that is a quarter of a mile away." I say why don't we call in the professionals? No, I think we can push the car down a hill, then back up a hill for a quarter of a mile. Before I could respond, he jumps in his car and starts to roll down the hill in front of traffic. So the bright guy that I am, I jump in behind him. I push his car with mine to the gas station and notice he's going past the entrance. Luckily there's a red light. He gets out. I ask him what's going on. He says, why don't we try to push it the rest of the way to my home... Ok... how much farther do we have to go. He thinks for a moment as he's counting. I'm thinking he's counting blocks. He says, "Three, maybe four MILES." I say, you know what, we've got a gas station right here with a tow truck and a garage. It's the perfect place for your car. I'm just not comfortable pushing your vehicle with mine for FOUR MILES in the middle of rush hour traffic. He agrees and we get his car into the gas station. I wish I could end the story on how he came to know Jesus and his life was changed. That didn't happen. I did learn about his life and struggles in the hour and 15 minutes we had together. In the end we shook hands. He thanked me. And we parted ways.

What the...!?

So I look like three chicks and a "Chow"!? Thanks My Heritage Face Recognition!

http://www.myheritage.com

Or, maybe I'm just a "Jackass."

Broken Sound Card

So for the past two months, Jami and I were under the impression that our sound card on our computer was broken. I mean, we tried to play sound files. We tried to watch media files. But no sound was coming through. We thought that this was the beginning of the end of our Mac. Well... I was on iTunes checking out the newest Chris Tomlin album. I wanted to listen to some of the songs, so I had this bright idea that if I could plug in my ear plugs, then maybe, just maybe I could listen to iTunes. So I grab my ear plugs and look down to plug them into the slot on the side of our computer when what before my wandering eyes should appear, then an iPod adapter already plugged into that very sound slot. Ding, ding, ding. The reason our sound wasn't working on our computer... get ready for this... I had left my iPod adapter plug in the sound plug spot... which means, we couldn't hear any sound. So, for two months, there was a wire hanging out of our computer which was the very reason why we couldn't hear sound from our external speakers. Wow. At least our computer isn't broken... too bad we didn't know that two months ago!

Cell Phone Jerk

Are you a cell phone jerk? The Chicago Tribune posted an article about proper cell phone etiquette. See if you qualify as a cell phone jerk. Here's how I qualify:

Don't text and drive - Jerk! Oh, and I text and walk... oooooohhhhh.

Remember to mute ringer - Not a Jerk. Phone is usually always on vibrate.

Put the phone away - Not a Jerk. It's either on my belt (geek!), or in my pocket.

Avoid a tell-all - Not a Jerk. I only gossip in person. Although I do love listening in on someone else's juicy details.

Watch the ringtone - Not a Jerk. Like I said before. Phone is always on vibrate. Although if I did have a ringtone, I would pick one that would challenge someone's thinking.

Check your volume - Jerk. I don't know what it is with cell phones, I just feel the need to talk loud.

Prioritize the person you're with - Not a Jerk. Don't answer your phone if you're already in conversation with someone. Talk about RUDE.

Two out of Seven. Not bad. How do you rank?

Bathroom Confessionals

So, I'm in the bathroom washing my hands at work when a co-worker walks in and begins to use the urinal. It's really the first time we've been able to talk. So he knows that I went to Mexico this past July. So he decides to ask about it – while he's... well... while he's going number one. So while this is a bit strange... um... talking to a dude while he's using the urinal... I'm always up to talk about what happened down in Mexico. So I start in describing what we did. My natural tendency is to look at the person I'm talking to... you know... common courtesy. However, I don't know where to look. Do I look at his eyes... weird. Do I look above his head... weird. Do I look at him in the mirror... weird, I don't want him thinking I'm sneaking a peak. Do I just not look at him... awkward. So I decide to do the bug-eyed, paranoid look. I look at him for a couple of seconds, then look somewhere else. I do this a number of times. Then he gets done going number one and we finish our conversation. I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but it's just weird to talk to someone while they're "shaking it off". In any case, got to talk about Mexico and God... no matter how weird it was.

All Pumped Up

So Jami and I have had a membership at Anytime Fitness for about two months or so. And I've been working out hard for the past... well... past four days. When I work out, I complete three sets at one station, then go get a drink of water. As I'm walking across the gym, I couldn't help but look at the mirrors. So I finish working out and go home. Again, I'm walking across the bedroom which happens to have a mirror. I look at it. But I don't look the same. How disappointing. So here's my conclusion, the mirrors at the gym are like fun house mirrors. They distort your shape to make you look bigger than you really are... which could either encourage you, or discourage you. Am I wrong? I don't think so. So instead of being all pumped up, my ego was deflated all in one evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall... you're a LIAR!

House of Poop

Jami and I went to the Blueberry Festival in Plymouth, Indiana on Saturday. We only stayed for a little bit. It was nearly impossible to navigate through the huge crowd. At the end, Jami had to use the bath room. The only problem, there were only Port 'O Potties to use. I've decided for myself that I will not use those things anymore. I just can't lock myself in a very small, smelly room with other people's fecies and urine. What kind of animals have we become... crapping on other people's crap. And peeing on other people's pee. There has got to be a study done that describes the dangers of using one of these things. So, even though I had to go, I took the chance of urinating on myself by waiting for the restroom in McDonalds... even though that wasn't much better in the end.

Search for A New Hair Style

So I've had the same hair style for the past five or six years. For the past three months I've wanted something different. But when it's been time for a hair cut, I sit down in the chair and say the same thing. "I need to do something different. I want to grow it out, but... I don't know... oh... let's just do it like the last time." I want to do the number 1, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz, off goes the hair. But that won't fly with Jami. Plus, I just don't think I'd look good with that style. So I don't know. I'm at the point where I'd need another hair cut if I were going to do the same thing. But I want something different. So I'm searching for the hair style that's right for me. They should make a website where you get matched up to the hair style that would fit you the best. Kind of like a dating site, but for hair styles. You could submit your photo, your personality traits and the style you think you may want. Then the site would give you matches of hair styles demonstrated on the photo you submitted. Instead of e-Harmony.com, it would be called -Hair.com. Maybe I'll do this one, with the bad mustache and gotee... or not.

7 Reasons Why Todd Cries

An article title on msn.com popped up on my email homepage entitled, Seven reasons babies cry and how to soothe them. Interesting. So I click on the title and realize that a few of the reasons babies cry are some of the very reasons I cry. Some aren't. But I've put together a list of my seven in no particular order:

I'm Hungry (same as baby) - In addition to getting crabby, I've been known to whine and complain... and stomp my feet... in my head.

I Don't Feel Good (same as baby) - Yup, I'm not proud of it, but I've laid on the couch or in bed curled up under the covers whining to whoever will listen about how bad my throat hurts... not proud of it... but it has happened and will happen again.

I Want To Be Held (similar to baby) - Guys... wait. Married guys, you all know what I'm talking about. There have been nights where I've wanted to... well, where I've wanted to just... cuddle. But it doesn't happen. So I take a deep sigh. Roll over heavily. And go to sleep disappointed... what did you think I was talking about!?

Cubs Are Below 500 - This year it's been a non-stop cry-fest.

Bad Apple Pies from McDonalds - It's a huge let down when I open up my box of apple pies to only find out the crust is burned, the pie is old or there's hardly any filling in the middle. And there's one particular McDonalds I won't go to just for that reason. Every time I've ordered apple pies, they've been horrible.

Staining A Piece of Clothing - There's hardly anything worse than going out somewhere only to find out that something I'm wearing, either has a stain on it, or getting a stain on it that night. I'm better than I use to be. But deep inside I still want to put everything on hold and race back home to change. I HATE wearing clothes with stains on them. HATE it.

Weddings - Well... specifically, Dog the Bounty Hunter's wedding. It was just so... well... so touching to watch him float on a wooden raft in his all-white suit with his sunglasses and mullet. I'm tearing up just typing it.

Random in the Dells

As we were taking photos, waiting for Adam and Becky and the other kids to arrive back at the hotel, this random kid decides to meander in our shot. Carter literally doesn't know he's behind him. Tyler, well, Tyler knows who belongs and who doesn't belong. We later learn that his parents are in the middle of "checking" in – thus, not "checking" on their kid.

Just before this shot, we finished up eating at one of the great pizza shops in the WORLD, called Unos. Ok, that may be an over statement. Let's just say, the world – lowercase. In any case, the adults decide that everyone gets treats after dinner. And in deciding where to go, we literally have a full conversation between two vehicles in the parking lot on making the decision to have a treat and where to go to have the treat by spelling out every word. I think we created a new language called, splanguage, where you talk in s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g. I guess that's what happens when you have two car loads of kids who know what the word "treat" means but can't yet spell.

Weekend At the Dells

You. Me. Pool. Now.

 

This looks like fun!

 

Whoaaaaa!

 

I can't see. I can't see.

 

Look at me. I'm here!

 

Three Amigos.

 

Are my legs suppose to spread this far?

 

It's Oreo time!

 

Dude, you wanna take a drink?

 

What's up with the elephant behind me?

 

Typical photo. Tyler laughing and showing off. Carter sitting and staring.

 

Not sure where Adam and Jacob are. But they should be in this shot too.

 

And... out!